Sardine Can Weekly Update Archive
Thursday, June 25th, 2009 Update
Dear Tiki Tokers:
Photos from the last two weekends are up and there are some dandies. This past weekend a few of us ventured out to see the Velcro Pygmies play in Put-In Bay, OH, a small island in Lake Erie that we had never heard of but which proved to be the largest collection of drunks concentrated on a small island since Gilligan & The Skipper went to rehab. Those photos are in the photo gallery as well. A recap of our trip is below and it's pretty good humor. Check out all our photos in the photo gallery at:http://www.thesardinecan.com/spgm/index.php
Chuck Konowalski Memorial Sardine Can Golf Outing
The Golf Outing is Monday, July 13th with the pre-party on Sunday afternoon the 12th complete with reggae band, food, cheap drinks, etc. We are limiting the outing to 40 groups and already have 36 signed up, so if you want to play and haven't gotten your sweet ass down to The Can to do it, get on it baby!!!
Entry forms can also be had via email. Just email Tara at: [email protected]
Sunday Funday in the Tiki Bar this Sunday with Tony Brown Reggae Band
The Tiki Bar opens every Sunday at noon. This Sunday is extra special in that we have the Tony Brown Reggae Band playing at 6 pm.
You can get details and other good shit on our Sunday Funday events Facebok page at:
We are also going to have Tony Brown play outside on Thursday, July 2nd, just 4 nites later too in case you're not a fan of Sunday boozing (but you should be, it's like stealing a day out of the week!!).
BABE RALLY 2009
Some of our friends from Alabama (we use the word friends very loosely here), just completed one of the best excuses to drink that we have ever heard of. Actually, it's so good, we're ashamed that we didn't come up with it. It's called the BABE rally and BABE is short for "Big Apple to Big Easy". It's essentially a road rally centered around drinking that starts in New York and ends in New Orleans. The kicker is that everyone on your team must ride together in a vehicle that can cost NO MORE THAN $500. Well, our friends called their team "NADS" which is short for "North American Drinking Society". Classic.
Their vehicle: A 1980 short bus. As in retards. And they outfitted this peach with a keg system, stripper pole, lap-dance chairs and of course - a shotski. Pure brilliance.
We could tell you the details about their trip, but their website and blog do it best. Check it out at:
Congrats to our Birminhgam, AL friends Todd the Majik Man, Karl the Kunt and Harper aka "Sloppy Beaver" for claiming the drinking trophy before they had even crossed the Mason-Dixon line. We plan to join them next year and call our team members GONADS short for GreenBay's Own North American Drinking Society.
The World Famous Velcro Pygmies play Put-In Bay, OH
This past weekend would normally have been Warehouse Party weekend, but since the city denied us a a permit to have them play outdoors again (an outrage of epic proportions), Boyd, Zim and Brett decided that hey, it doesn't mean we can't still see the Velcro Pygmies play somewhere. Just so happens the Pygmies played four straight nites at a place known as Put-In Bay, Ohio. It's a small island in Lake Erie just north of Sandusky, Ohio. Our first thought was "Lake Erie - come on!!" But friends told us great things about it so we went. Note: one of the things they told us was that the island is nicknamed "Disneyland for Drunks". Had to go.
Now many of you may not believe this, but Boyd owns his own plane. And the FAA is foolish enough to let him fly the damn thing. What normally would be an 8-9 hour car ride and then a ferry was a quick 2 hour, 15 minute flight to a gorgeous little island where Boyd quickly proceeded to come in too damn high the first time and had to go around again before he mercifully got that death machine on the ground. That was his last sober minute for three days.
What proceeded after this was a series of debacles that can be summarized as follows:
1) The island is small. Everyone travels on golf carts so we rented a 6-passenger luxury model and quickly smashed it into a parked minivan. Our golf cart driver will remain nameless to avoid embarassment (it was Brett). The crash blew out the steering and we ended up hitching golf cart rides or taxis the rest of the trip. The lady that owned the mini-van was cool though. "Shit happens" she said. We love this island already. The cart was still on the front lawn of a nearby cabin when we left. Brett was nicknamed "Andretti" by our neighbors.
2) Zim had a little too much to drink one afternoon at the pool bar and decided to remove his swmsuit in the pool. Somebody tossed it onto the top of the rock waterfall where he had to climb out naked to get it. That image is still seared onto everyone's brain who was there.
3) They call this place the Key West of the Midwest and it became apparent immediately why: (1) It's a beautiful island, (2) there are bars everywhere and (3) extremely drunk people are in the MAJORITY. The main difference was the complete lack of gays and street bums. If the weather was good year round, this place would put Key West out of business!!!
4) The Velcro Pygmies put on great shows as always and the locals (mostly Ohio folks) figured that out right away and packed Mr. Ed's where they played. Boyd as usual had way too much to drink at their shows and has now sworn off alcohol forever. He's only allowed beer and wine now and refers to Cameron (lead singer) exclusively as "THE ENABLER".
5) We stayed at a place called the Island Resort, which is basically about 100 cabins in a large subdivision all surrounding a central pool area. They should just call the place "100 House Parties". When the bars close at 2, we could always find a still-raging bash and just invite ourselves in. We have the beer bong in Wisconsin. They prefer the beer bazooka in Ohio. It's really just a water gun that sucks in beer, they stick it in your mouth and blast the contents down your throat. Simple and just what we needed after a nite of boozing at the Pygmie show. Ohio people are polite in that they ask if you want the one or two beer version. Boyd opted for one. Zim took two. Brett took one of our other house guests home and crashed the golf cart on the way.
All things considered, we'll be back!!!
Vibrator Races this Saturday Nite!!!
We don't have the lineups set for Saturday nite yet, but the thoroughbred vibrators from the last races at Dildo Downs had some truly classic names dreamed up by Boyd's filthy mind where he named all the vibrators after famous movies. To wit:
Race #1: It was Lawrence of A Labia over Risky Jizzness and Cum & Cummer
Race #2: It was Sperms of Endearment "by a head" over One Fell into the Poo Poo's Nest and Pump Friction.
We'll have a couple "newcummers" this weekend including:
(1) Bumfight at the OGay Corral and (2) Add Momma to the Train. Our reigning world champion Big & Black Lookin' for Crack will also make an appearance.
First post is 10:30 pm Saturday nite or whenever the hell our MC Boyd feels like it. Bachelorettes get official starter duties.
Misc. News and Notes:
1) Alert, Alert!!!! Chris Hansen is still sober!!! Going on four months now without a drink or a cigarette. Needless to say, this earth-shattering event has screwed up the odds for his organ-failure pool. Now the smart money is on his knees cuz the guy is working his ass off now that's he's off the booze. He not only remembers all his kids names, he remembers all our employee names now too. If you bet on his liver, you may be out of luck.
2) Our Fish Bowl drinks are 30 oz BIG and are now only $6 and you get to keep the glass.
3) We are open Sundays at noon in the summer.
That's all for now lushes. Photos of the week are below.
Boyd & Chris
The Sardine Can "Always Packed"